ME: Do you honestly think we've kept the conspiracy going for this long by doing shit that OBVIOUS? My God.

Isn't there a good chance that executive is a member of the Worldwide Zionist Media Conspiracy, as well? Won't that improve your friend's chance of getting hired? Reminding the exec through his dress of their ? PEOPLE: But Josh.We know Hollywood is run by the Zionists. Your meeting outfit should NEVER remind someone behind the desk that you are a member of the Worldwide Zionist Media Conspiracy. This is not a good message to send, people. HIM: They ask me if I'd just come from synagogue. ME: What do people SAY to you in that get-up? Did you go to a meeting dressed like that?

Here was my conversation with him the other day. He's a white Jewish male in his early thirties, shaves about once a month, sleeps with pretty goyim he isn't qualified to sleep with, and drives a big black car with illegally tinted windows.īut every time I see the dude he's wearing a coat and tie. Work it on the motherfucking catwalk like Miss J for Chrissakes.Ī friend of mine is a very successful writer and generally obeys the successful writer lifestyle doctrine. If for some reason you're not feeling the creative vibe, you better at least look it.īecause you have to FLAUNT your writer lifestyle, people. And you sure as shit better have the creativity. It is Noh theater where every mask has been carved into a smile capable of four minutes of small talk about the newest Jon Krakauer book that the mask hasn't even read.Īnd by the way, when I say 'power and creativity' let's be perfectly clear.

Every interaction between a writer and an executive is a carefully orchestrated mating dance between power and creativity. My God I'm getting Russian just thinking about it.īecause understand this: what you wear and how you look when you go to a meeting is of the utmost importance. That swish-swish sound your thighs make as you walk down the studio halls, the feeling of the polyester sliding on the black leather as you recline in the inevitable Eames chair and pop the top on your Diet Coke. The fact is, other than free sushi and a seven figure income, dressing like a sweaty fat Russian mobster is the single best part of being a multi-platinum-selling Hollywood screenwriter such as myself. Many of you seem disturbed that I wear sweatpants.Īnd to that I would quote the great Andrew Marlowe and say this:

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